Shake Hands With the Devil

It have been awhile since i updated my blog.. but i feel flattered when a good friend of mine asked me about when I’m going to update my blog..so here i am..

I got this book few years back when i was job hunting.. it does mention something about bargaining for a higher starting Salary.. so i took this book from the shelf and purchase it without thinking.

From Frank L. Acuff’s track record, i think he supposed to be an expert in negotiation. Earlier he wrote this book called How to Negotiate Anything with Anyone Anywhere Around the World.

However its not Frank’s track records that amazed me.. the way he put his advises in a sarcastic way never failed to make me laugh when i was reading this book..Bottom line is that this book is cleverly written and his advises still sticking in my head when im doing my daily work or even bargaining for a lower price in a pasar malam(night market).

The book is written to help the reader on the following negotiations or problems(in Frank’s words Your Life Negotiations from Hell!)

1.0 Life Negotiations from Hell

• Surviving the Boss from Hell

• Getting work out of Slugs

• Bargaining for a raise or Higher starting salary

• Gaining Leverage without Authority

• Negotiating with a strategic partner who is screwing you

• Dealing with your Attorney

• Getting your real Estate Agent on Your side

• Findings common ground with people who are different from you

• E-Negotiating

My advise is that.. if you have even one of the problem stated above.. might as well get to your bookstore and purchase this book..

2.0 Seven Steps out of Negotiation from Hell: Stairway to Heaven.

2.1 Do Your Homework

• Planning is the most critical part of your negotiation strength

• Use a negotiation planner to identify all issues on your side and on their side(If you are doing sales,this template might help)

• Prioritize the Issues

• Establish a Settlement Range : - that is (Above Goal Position, Really Asking Position, and Least-Acceptable Position)

Remember: People might outsmart you occasionally, but they should never out plan you

2.2 Help Others Get What They Want

• Focus on the interest of the other side: as hard as it might be, is particularly important when dealing with hellish negotiation

• Lean towards a win-win negotiation as a goal for both sides getting a good deal

Remember: If you decide to take a win-lose approach, be careful. This can be a very small world, especially if there are people you’re trying to avoid

2.3 Go for it and Let them Beat you Down

• Keep a negotiation multi-issued

• Set an ambitious above-goal offer, so that you will have room for improvement to stay within your settlement range

2.4 Confront the issues Most Important to you in an Agreeable Way

• Confrontation is not a bad thing (although it get to your nerves sometimes) but almost nothing get resolved unless there is a confrontation

• Keep your negotiation to facts and figures.

• Avoid the following devilish words or phrases as it will invite negative thought on the other side

-“To be honest with you” (other side will think: Normally you are not honest?)

-“Obviously”( other side will think: it’s really not that obvious to me)

-“Any thinking person” (other side will think: Hey.. Im not exactly a potted plant here)

-“What you need to understand”( other side will think: I don’t know I have such a need)

-Etc etc.. you know what are these words/phrase.. don’t need to spell it out all of it.

• Confront and disagree in an agreeable way

-Pick the right time: Try to find a time and best climate for a confrontation

-Confront in private : Nobody likes to be confronted an embarrassed in front of other people

-Let the other side respond w/o interrupting: Pretty much a clear message

-Find something to agree with: How irony it is.. one of the best ways to disagree with another person is to initially find something to agree with.

-Etc etc…. more you got to get this book.

2.5 Use the rules of Persuasion

• Persuasion have much to do with negotiation : i.e the ability to get the other side to see things your way

• Following is the rules to be a at your persuasive best

• Use emotion to open up the mind of the other side

• Use logic to justify your claim

• Focus on the other side’s interest (What’s in it for them?)

• Fewer arguments to support your position is better( because people cant remember much small points, people tend to remember maximum of 3 BIG points)

Remember: People are going to exchange their hard earned money for two things (1) Good Feeling and (2) Solutions.

2.6 Build Trust at any Cost

• Trust is important because

-Nobody will tell you anything of importance if he does not trust you.: He might tell you his position on an issue, but that is not good stuff. Any good stuff is off the record.

-Once we lose trust, we can never get it back: Trust issues are almost impossible to repair

-Trust issues are distraction: Especially in hellish negotiations.

2.7 Make Persistence and Patience an Obsession

• Often, when somebody says “No” it often means “Maybe”. A persistence attitude will often change the decision made earlier

• Patience allows you to get information from the other side, particularly when doing step # 2.1. Do your Homework.

• Patience also allows you to get the best deals. (This is often hard for task- oriented people)

• Patience allows you to weight your options carefully.

3.0 Summary

Frank’s Shake Hands with the Devil, key points to survive and win a Develish negotiation is mentioned above, the book also specify the points to use particularly in a Life Hellish negotiation in point #1.

Frank’s story telling in giving out his pointers the most interesting part of the book.

Go get the book!

The Dip

So I went to Queens Bay’s Borders book store yesterday because bored.. nothing to do.. plus.. i was planning to find some books to read for free :-p (yeah..yeah.. so sue me..). This book that caught my attention, it is called The Dip by the marketing guru, :- Seth Godin. Following is the description of the book “ a small book that teaches when to quit(and when to stick)”. Following is the summary of the book.
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OK.. so the books starts off with a correction of an old saying which says
“Winners Never Quit and Quitters never Wins”
Well Seth says the saying is wrong because winners do quit, and quitters do win. The only thing different that any winners do is that they: -

“Quit the wrong stuff and Stick with the right stuff and have the guts to do one or the other”

1.0 Being the best in the world
Seth continues with saying that it pays to be the best in the world, and being an average joe or well rounded people is for losers.



Example: There is a typical pareto for any successful ideas or person where the being first is typically minimum double compared to others. This pareto could be describing the sales of flavours of ice cream, where vanilla will be typical #1 followed by the rest of other flavours. The book also recalls the "Zipf's Law".The essence of this concept is that people or companies who occupy the first position are in general much ahead of those behind them. Its like the progression - 1, 1/2, 1/3, ... 1/n. The difference between the first and second is quite high compared to that between the rest of them


2.0 The Three Curves
There are typical three types of results vs effort curves in initiating a business or penetrating a market.

2.1 The Dip

Almost everything in life worth doing is controlled by the dip.




2.2 Cul-de-Sac (Dead –End )
That’s as though it has hit a dead-end and cannot move upward. People who stick around with this curve generally fail to make any progress and remain where they are. Get off it fast! As the cost of investing your life to something that is not going to get any better is too high.


2.3 The Clift
This is rare, but very dangerous. This curve looks more like the Cul-De-Sac - the only difference being that, after a certain stage, the curve falls down all of a suddenly. You can’t quit until you fall.




3.0 The Dip

So what is the "Dip"? The author defines Dip as "the long slog between starting something and mastering it". The Dip curve looks somewhat like the graph below. The initial part of the curve shoots up pretty quick; but after that comes a downtrend which lasts for a longer duration compared to the initial upward movement. Once the Dip is over, the curve resumes its uptrend.

“The dip creates scarcity; scarcity creates value”

3.1 The brave thing to do is to tough it out and end up to the other side – getting the benefits of the scarcity

3.2 The mature thing to do is not even border starting, because you’re probably not even going to get through the dip

3.3 The stupid thing to do is to start, give it your best shot, waste a lot of time and money and quit at the middle of the dip

3.4 The next time you catch yourself being average, when you feel like quitting, realize that you have only two good options

Quit or Be Exceptional

4.0 Summary
All our successes are the same, and so too our failures

• We Succeed when we do something remarkable

• We Fail because we give up too soon

• We Succeed when we are the best in the world at what we do

• We Fail because we get distracted by the task we don’t have the guts to quit

Kindness to Parents in The Quran

In line with the "Let's read the Quran" Campaign, im writing this article about parents in the light of the Quran from my various readings.

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Being a good parent, I’m sure is not easy, although I have not experience this to tell about it, I can see this with my own eyes when my parents brought me up..

Children should be brought up needs to be nurtured and told about the importance treating parents with kindness/goodness.

1. One of the Ten Charges from God.

Being good to our parents is one of the Ten Charges that God have enjoined to the us. This is explained in the verse 6:151-153

6:151 Say: 'Come, I will recite what your Lord has forbidden you: (1)that you associate not anything with Him, (2)and to be good to your parents, (3)and not to slay your children because of poverty; We will provide you and them and that (4)you approach not any indecency outward or inward, and (5)that you slay not the soul God has forbidden, except by right. That then He has charged you with; haply you will understand.

6:152 (6)And that you approach not the property of the orphan, save in the fairer manner, until he is of age. (7)And fill up the measure and the balance with justice. We charge not any soul save to its capacity. (8)And when you speak, be just, even if it should be to a near kinsman.(9) And fulfil God's covenant. That then He has charged you with; haply you will remember

6:153 And that this is My path, straight; so do you follow it, (10)and follow not divers paths lest they scatter you from His path. That then He has charged you with; haply you will be godfearing.'

The same message can be observed in 2:83 and 4:36

2. Be Thankful towards Parents, for the sacrifice the mother have gone through.

After the charge to treat parents with goodness, we are reminded for the sacrifice our mothers have trough, pregnancy, birth and weaning.

31:14 And We have charged man concerning his parents -- his mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning was in two years -- 'Be thankful to Me, and to thy parents; to Me is the homecoming.

The same message can be observed in 46:15

3. Be Humble and do not utter the slightest gesture of annoyance

God have decreed that a believer need to be good to their parents, either one or both of them.

17:23 Thy Lord has decreed you shall not serve any but Him, and to be good to parents, whether one or both of them attains old age with thee; say not to them 'Fie' neither chide them, but speak unto them words respectful,

17:24 and lower to them the wing of humbleness out of mercy and say; 'My Lord, have mercy upon them, as they raised me up when I was little.'

17:25 Your Lord knows very well what is in your hearts if you are righteous, for He is All-forgiving to those who are penitent.

The disobedient of the children towards their parents will definitely cause anger for any parent. For believing parents; a disobedient child will be facing a devastating end.

46:17 But he who says to his father and his mother, 'Fie upon you! Do you promise me that I shall be brought forth, when already generations have passed away before me?' while they call upon God for succour -- 'Woe upon thee! Believe; surely God's promise is true'; then he says, 'This is naught but the fairy-tales of the ancients' --

4. Parents that Strive to associate partners with God

The charges from God to be kind to parents comes with a condition, which is, if the parents strive to associate partners with God, hence we do not have to obey them. This is the only condition in obeying parents

29:8 We have charged man, that he be kind to his parents; but if they strive with thee to make thee associate with Me that whereof thou hast no knowledge, then do not obey them; unto Me you shall return, and I shall tell you what you were doing.

However, even though if their parents strive to associate partners with God, it is a must for a person to keep them in good, honourable company in this world, but he have to follow the way of the people who turn to God.

31:15 But if they strive with thee to make thee associate with Me that whereof thou hast no knowledge, then do not obey them. Keep them company honourable in this world; but follow the way of him who turns to Me. Then unto Me you shall return, and I shall tell you what you were doing.'

5. Means to be good to our parents

God have also showed us few examples from the Quran on the means to be good to our parents, following is the relevant verses.

2:180 Prescribed for you, when any of you is visited by death, and he leaves behind some goods, is to make bequest/will in favour of his parents and kinsmen honourably -- an obligation on the godfearing.

2:215 They will question thee concerning what they should expend. Say: 'Whatsoever good you expend is for parents and kinsmen, orphans, the needy, and the traveller; and whatever good you may do, God has knowledge of it.'

12:100 And he(Joseph) lifted his father and mother upon the throne;….

19:14 And obedient to his(John) parents, not arrogant, rebellious.

19:32 And likewise to obedient to my(Jesus) mother; He has not made me arrogant, unprosperous

6. Supplication for our parents

Humans will not quit from asking from God supplications, Parents need to be included in these supplications to God. Following is some examples from the Quran

46:15 We have charged man, that he be kind to his parents; his mother bore him painfully, and painfully she gave birth to him; his bearing and his weaning are thirty months. Until, when he is fully grown, and reaches forty years, he says, 'O my Lord, dispose me that I may be thankful for Thy blessing wherewith Thou hast blessed me and my father and mother, and that I may do righteousness well-pleasing to Thee; and make me righteous also in my seed. Behold, I repent to Thee, and am among those that surrender.'

14:41 Our Lord, forgive Thou me and my parents, and the believers, upon the day when the reckoning shall come to pass.

71:28 My Lord! forgive me and my parents and him who enters my house believing, and the believing men and the believing women; and do not increase the unjust in aught but destruction!

Hence.. be good to our parents.. treat them well and supplicate for them.