Hola peeps, Im not sure I should be writing this down, especially coz tomorrow is eid, however I got this idea for about a week now and haven’t got the time to jot it down. Since today is a public holiday, here I am.
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This post going to ask a very fundamental question about yourself. It is about understanding yourself. Because if you don’t understand yourself, you will be seeking validation for everyone else. You need to know who you are inside out. If you don’t know who you are, you will be easily moved. Example if you beginning to change your personality to fit the person you are seeking validation from. That is not good and seen as weak at any point of any relationship, not ever.
So the thing is, a guy needs to see himself in one of the models or categories below to ensure that their personality is rooted and nobody can actually move you during an interaction. A person might be somewhere in between that categories, but it doesn’t matter at most. Most will know who they are by the descriptions. This will also help to certain extend for control a state on mind during an interaction. When a social interaction happens, two state of minds actually collide and guess what, the rooted state of mind actually will win over the interaction.
So following is the categories, which are (1) The Nice Guy, (2) The Good Guy, and (3) The Bad Guy. Following the conventional way, these are the sequence that the categories need to be arranged, but for this time, I’m going to go for a detour a little bit,
Reason ? you will know in seconds
So lets start,
(1) The Nice Guy
So who is the nice guy? A Guy who looking to do things for everyone else over himself , don’t get me wrong here folks , doing things for others is good, but the thing is NOT over yourself . Well a good leader will always put their people over himself once a while, but at a certain point you can’t put other people’s feeling over yourself all the time especially if we are talking about your girlfriend.
An example of this is, let say that you and your girl plan to play badminton or tennis or whatever sports, A nice guy’s mind set will be,
(Nice Guy) : Owh man, I love her so much that I will let her win all the games I play with her, I bet she will be proud of herself and love me even more after she wins. After that I’m going to tell her how good her game over me.
Letting her win! Is that the thing to do? Definitely a big NO NO. Basically in sports, you have to play your best and she has to play at her best, both have the responsibility to hit the shuttle/ ball over the net and they have to hit it back . That’s the fun of it. In the moment it might seems that it is the nice thing to do, but note that women are intuitive creatures, they will sense that you are letting her win all the time, and by the time it’s over, you might feel good of letting her win, but she might not show it that she is frustrated over what just happened.
Well of course your mom have thought you manners on dealing with the opposite sex, however playing at you best is not being rude or impolite , its being acceptance of whatever the real outcome of the game. If she wins over you after you put in your best, trust me she will know it.
This analogy is can also be used in a relationship, basically a guy and a girl need to put their best foot forward. This will make each person feel that they have invested in the relationship and wanting to keep the relationship even more.
The problem here is, so many guys have been conditioned by media, movies, tvs, magazine to think that being a nice guy and portraying a nice guy behavior is what a women want, but unfortunately it is far from the truth. Well don’t get me wrong here guys, nice guys DO get into a relationship with girls, the thing is he will end up with girls with low self-esteem, Why? This is because these girls will take it what first drops in front of their eyes. There will be no chase, there will be no challenge, there will be no thrill in the relationship because she will always be treated nice and place on the pedestals all the time without having to work for it. And guess what, she will end up cheating on him, why? At one time, there will come another guy who gives her a slight of a challenge, gives her chance to invest in him and she will end up with him.
So there it is, if you want to be the nice guy, go ahead, If you feel that you are a nice guy, you might want to think to change the stereotype mindset.
(3) The Bad Guy
A bad guy is a guy who is disrespect of other people, does not care about other people, and maybe he would be physically, psychologically or verbally abusive to his girl. The bad guy also maybe will force his girl to do things that she don’t want to do, to round it all out, a bad guy is a guy who is not good to the people close to him.
A good thing about a bad boy, is that he is naturally aggressive and assertive in nature. Guys are naturally on a constant lookout for girls, however most don’t have the guts to get there and talk to them. Bad boys are different because have some oozing confidence of themselves, they will actually approach and convey their interest.
Bad boys exhale a mixture of danger and pleasure that creates attraction. Bad boys do get into relationship, but the thing is, the quality of the girls that they date. Bad boys usually date girls that somewhat abused in one or the other ways in their past. The reason why these girls go to this guys is that humans naturally tend to be at comfort at familiar conditions. Studied have shown that girls tend to date guys who have the same qualities as their father. These girls might not want to be treated badly, but they have experience it before, hence it’s better to be on tested waters rather than on an unknown territory. That’s why this girls, although they don’t like to be hurt, but they are attracted and move towards these bad boys.
I wonder one thing though, these bad guys usually will get girls which is good looking and above average. Does it runs in their genes or something? Example is our home grown Mat rempits, once I saw one of their “tribal leaders” (by the way he is the center of the group) is holding two of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen on each arm. However from their “sense of fashion” , I believed that there are definitely scared .
Being the bad guy will get you good looking girls, but usually they are emotionally scarred in one way or another. My take, it is better to be end up with an average looking girl with a great personality.
(2) The Good Guy
The good guy is somewhere in the middle of the nice guy and bad guy, as you can see from the description, the nice guy is a guy who put himself down to please others, whereas a bad guy is a guy who abuse his people.
A good guy have the confidence in him, when he sees something that he wants, he will go after it. He won’t be bossy to his people, but persuade his people to do something by his charisma. A good guy knows that he is wanted hence he won’t put himself down to please others, although sometimes as a leader of his group he will do this, but he will know it until a certain extend that he is being used and he will stop. A good guy knows when he is being used. Even a good guy have confidence, he treats his girl well , he respect them for who she is and is seen as a provider in a relationship to the extent that he feels that he is being used. He is not being used and he don’t use others.
Being confidence is a tricky way of dealing with situation that comes your way.
Let just say that you are on a first date with a girl you have just meet and you are in a car with her. Since this girl is so hot, you are getting butterflies all over your stomach all day, and then suddenly out of the blue, you “Farted”.’
A nice guy will get an awkward feeling and say something along this line;
Nice Guy: OMG, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to fart, I am soooo sorry.. Let me wind down the windows. [worried]
A confident good guy will never apologize for being human(it is natural by the way), instead, he will make fun of it, or tease her on it, at the end of the day both of them will go home laughing just by thinking on what had happened.
Good Guy : Oops, I think you might want to get a taxi back home[smile]
Or
Good Guy: I bet you can’t beat that [smile]
The key is to acknowledge what just happened and make fun out of it. She has to know that you are playing, so make sure you deliver it with a smile. And if she gets upset over this, after you have delivered it correctly, then she is not worth it. If she can’t accept you today, she can’t accept you being human one year from now.
WARNING: I don’t encourage you to fart on the first date just for a shit test the girl, this is just a simulation of a worst case scenario.
So there you have it, you should know where you stand and ultimately, you should be (or wanting to be) the good guy, he puts up challenge in a relationship and make both of them feel invested in it. At the same time, he respects and places her girl at the same level as he is.
So what type of a guy are you?
